


The Justification of Being

by ImmortalError



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Boys In Love, Cute, Deep and Meaningful, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Simmons is a nerd, Valhalla, season 10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-18 21:39:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16127258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImmortalError/pseuds/ImmortalError
Summary: When Carolina and Washington drag the Reds and Blues back to Valhalla to investigate a crashed ship, it takes longer then expected and they have to stay the night. Neither Grif nor Simmons can sleep and so, by some means, they end up stargazing. Grif begins to wonder, once again, just why he is there.





	The Justification of Being

Neither Grif nor Simmons could really explain just how they got into their current situation. Or any of the ridiculous situations since Blood Gulch. There had been the deaths that never stayed dead, fighting of the rogue AI, traveling in time, meeting an alien, being insulted by a bomb, Tucker having a son, Wyoming’s irritating trickery, the explosion of Tex’s ship, being transferred and nearly being shot by their new troops, the ordeals with Washington and the Meta, the EMP, Church being a floating sphere who could inexplicably fire a laser from his face, Tex beating the living hell out of them, then meeting Carolina and joining her quest to find the Epsilon unit. That and so much more had all lead to their return to Valhalla.  _ Their return home.  _   
  
Wash and Carolina were only there to check the crash site but, in doing so, they had to stay the night. Despite having once considered it a home, Grif couldn’t sleep. Maybe it was the silence that flooded his ears or the chilling drafts that sent shivers through his skin. Maybe it was the concern that Wash and Carolina could drag them into  _ Blue Team problems _ which would only put them in danger. Maybe, just maybe, he was becoming an insomniac. Whichever reason, he was unable to sleep. In despite of the ungodly hour and temperature, Grif got up and left the base.    
  
He stood in the cold breeze of midnight as he waited for his eyes to adjust. The moon was barely half full and the stars didn’t do much in helping illuminate the towering hills of Valhalla. Grif had to admit that it looked a lot prettier washed in pale moonlight, almost peaceful. In the most cliche kind of way. It somehow drew Grif in and, without much consideration, he managed to make it up to the top of one of the cliffs overlooking the bases. To his right the ocean glimmered with silver specks as it reflected the stars, The smallest of waves crashed over one another, the ocean’s song, a rhythmic beating of water. Grif’s eyes watched over the bases staring intently with, ironically, no real intent. It was the kind of stare that looked like a million thoughts were racing behind those eyes. But no, Grif felt numb in his entirety. With a dreary sigh he lay back in the grass and let himself become absorbed by it. He allowed himself to feel the grass dance along the surface of his skin as it was taken by the breeze. Normally Grif would not be nearly as appreciative of the calmness that nature provided but he was tired and his self-talk had not helped. Something which was to be expected when the self-talk consisted of sentences like  _ ‘shut the fuck up’  _ or _ ‘just fall unconscious you inconsiderate asshole’ _ . He thought that if he could focus on the rustling of trees or the crashing of waves then maybe he would be able to sleep. 

“Grif…?”

Opening his eyes, he saw Simmons standing directly next to him.   
“Christ! You snuck up on me!” Grif jolted upright, “give a man some warning next time!”   
“Sorry…” Simmons mumbled as he sat down beside Grif, fingers grazing through the grass,   
“How come you followed me up here? I don’t need a babysitter.”   
“Well, I finally got to sleep but then you woke me up so I came up here to call you an inconsiderate asshole, but…” Simmon’s voice softened as he looked out over the valley, “it would be a shame to disrupt the peace.”   
“Mhm, it’s not half bad.” Grif shrugged, laying back down into the grass.   
“Better than Blood Gulch…” Simmons also lay back, eyes turning to the millions of glimmering stars.   
“You’re not wrong…” Grif concurred, “only Blood Gulch wasn’t as prone to putting our lives at risk.”   
“Yes it did, we got roped into dumb and dangerous shit all the time.”   
“Fuckin’ Blue Team problems…  _ honestly. _ ”

The words lingered in the cold air as both of them stared up at the beauty of the night sky. Millions of stars glinting in the void, something Blood Gulch had deprived them of,   
“You’re a nerd, right? Tell me, what’s that star there?” Grif outstretched his hand, pointing to the brightest star there was,   
“Hey, fuck you…” Simmons retaliated before admitting, “... it’s Sirius.”   
Grif huffed a laugh at that.  
“You know so much nerd stuff. Like I bet you know the science-y name for that star.”  
“Yes. It’s Alpha Canis Majoris. And space isn’t _ ‘nerd stuff’  _ it’s actually really quite important in the span of all things.”   
“Stars twinkle. Big whoop.” Simmons couldn’t see it but Grif was smiling to himself, knowing exactly how Simmons was going to respond to that.  
“They don’t actually twinkle. See the light bends as it travels and---”   
“Nerd stuff.” Grif interrupted. From the darkness Simmons slapped Grif’s shoulder playfully to which he yelped in surprise.  
“ _ Inconsiderate asshole.  _ There, peace ruined. Happy now?” Simmons smiled lightly just before Grif retaliated. He had thrown his arm out blindly and hit Simmons’ leg. In an attempt to protect himself somewhat, Simmons moved onto his side, “ _ in-con-si-der-ate ass-hole.”  
_ “Instant karma, bitch.” Grif also rolled onto his side, facing Simmons who was still laughing. 

For some reason Simmons did his best to avoid looking into Grif’s eyes. Instead Simmons watched the grass in between the two of them, following how the light wind moved the stems backwards and forwards. It was calming yet Simmons could feel his heart thud with a distinct heaviness. The silence swamped him and let him become hypnotised by the dancing of the grass. Simmons didn’t know what woke him from it but whatever it was, it made him look directly to Grif. Embarrassment, maybe, at zoning out so intensely. Grif was staring at Simmons with a look that he had never been privy to. They shimmered in the light of the moon and the furrow of his brow was unfamiliar.  
“What?” There was quiet. Grif opened his mouth but not a syllable rolled off his tongue. He looked puzzled, dazed almost.   
“I just… I just realised that I barely know anything about you. I mean,  _ I know you,  _ but I I don’t know much about you before Blood Gulch. You know my sister, so you know at least that about me. I don’t know, it’s strange that I don’t know your life story.”   
“Well, to be fair, you never asked. Also you don’t really listen to me sometimes.”   
“Sorry, what was that? I wasn’t listening.”   
“Oh my fucking  _ God.”  _ Simmons laughed, hitting his shoulder once more,   
“Hey this is abuse in the workplace, I won’t stand for it.” Grif sniggered,    
“Oh I’ll show you ‘ _ abuse in the workplace’ _ !” Simmons moved faster than Grif could prepare himself for. He tackled, or did his best to tackle, Grif to the ground. Although he quickly realised how ineffective his small frame would be, which paired nicely with his inability to be entirely coordinated. For the first time in a long time Simmons felt childish. Not the immature kind of childish, more so the carefree kind of childish. The both of them tumbled back and forth in the grass, locked in an epic stalemate. Until eventually Simmons pinned Grif down, sat over his stomach with his knees pressed firmly into the grass by Grif’s waist. The both of them cackling as if it were the joke of the century, 

“Victory!” Simmons cheered, hands planted in the grass besides Grif’s head. Noses lingering a few mere centimeters from one another.  
“Yeah, sure, congrats man. You won the competition of abuse in the workplace. “Grif grinned, “now get off me you beanpole.” He took one of Simmons’ hands and shoved at him until he fell into the grass at his side. They did not speak until they stopped laughing and caught their breath back, nor did they untangle their interwound fingers. If anything they found a comfort in it. When Simmons finally spoke again, he had to muster courage to break the silence.  
“I was born to two overachievers. I was a disappointment my whole life. I joined the army.  That’s the extent of my life story...”  
Grif shifted to look at Simmons. He noticed how dark Simmon’s eyes had become. Staring blankly at the night sky. Unmoving.  
“So… _that’s_ why you’re here? You wanted to prove your worth.” Grif didn’t know if asking was the right thing to do, he had simply felt a strange compulsion to ask. He _wanted_ to know.  
“I guess so. I wanted an out. A way to restart. I guess that the idea of a box canyon on an alien planet was more appealing then being at home. I don’t know why I stayed, after all this.” Something in Grif’s brain switched on.   
“I know why I did.” Grif realised something that had been so painfully obvious for so long.   
“Why?” The word that left Simmon’s lips had barely been a whisper on the wind. But Grif couldn’t stand the idea of keeping his thoughts internal. He had to say the word, the one word that gave reason to everything.   
“ _You_.” Once it was out in the open, he could not take it back. Grif did not regret saying it, he regretted not saying more. The emotion that swept over Simmon’s face, the tightening of his hand in Grif’s, it beckoned him to talk. And so, he did,  
“I’ve been asking myself that damn question over and over. _Why are we here?_ And I’ve figured out that I don’t give a shit if we’re a product of a cosmic coincidence or if there’s a God watching everything, I don’t care if he has a plan for me. Because I know, that wherever you are, I’ll probably be right by your side. Bitching and whining, but I’ll be there.”  
Grif had found the reason why he had stayed for so long, the reason why he had dealt with so much insanity, his reason for his place in everything. Even if it was the nerdiest, most kiss-ass and occasionally insufferable reason, he had finally found it nonetheless.

 

_ Grif had found his justification for being.  _

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so these two will ruin me. That's basically it, send help.


End file.
